Seven months back, when I first created my substack, I was sitting on a smaller chair, my legs sprawled on the seat wall, overlooking the North Sea in a very wet UK spring. I was on a writing retreat, riding high on the passed enthusiasm of other writers. And I thought whenever I wrote my first post here, I would feel a unique sense of excitement and anticipation of new beginnings. But that's not what I am feeling right now. Instead, I feel an immense sense of sadness for "what was" - the grief of losing my past creative self. And I have been shedding tears for it since yesterday. I don't know what led to what. Was it my periods that instigated this sadness and rain of tears, or is it the sadness that led to the cycle of transition?
It's been over a month since I decided on the title of my first post, and it has been staring at me with very judgmental eyes from its seat on Google Docs. Today, I decided not to wither away with my emotions and take this tiny step towards my new journey.
I have been writing for years. I have had a blog on WordPress for almost ten years, but I haven't written anything there in the last two years. This doesn't mean I haven't done anything for my writing in the past two years. In Fact, I have jumped leaps and bounds in my creative journey. I took writing workshops, went on writing retreats and solo travels, wrote multiple stories, poems, and free writes, sent multiple submissions, received numerous rejections, and published a few of my works.
After this small break of disconnection, I am ready to start again with a clean slate, a new perspective, and a simple desire to create. I want to re-inculcate in myself the joy of creation. To take it non-seriously, playfully, lightly, and with fun. I want my creative journey to be effortless, organic, and easy for my heart and soul. I envision my space to be filled with themes of personal growth and discovery, power and joy of creativity, human tenderness, and struggles. I simply want to create the most authentic version of myself. And writing has always been a mirror to my soul.
I hope you join me on this journey. Even if you simply stumble or saunter through it at times, I welcome you with open arms. I allow you to peek into my soul through my stories, poems, creative nonfiction, and sometimes simple blabbering.
Love,
NJ